Poem “Last” by Pam Q.

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Pam Q., Poetry

This is a poem from one of “my girls” in jail.

“Last”

I lost my house, I lost my car, and I almost lost my life. I lost it all.  I had to fall down on my face to see why it all took Your place.

I was wrong.  I didn’t know, until I saw You were gone.  I’m sorry I put You last.

I am at a stop in my life.  I’ve got to see where to go from here.  Why? …  I’m sorry I put You last.

I’ve got to fix my life.  I can’t do this alone.  I love You too much to lose You.  I won’t turn back.  I will start new.  I will start a new list.  I’m sorry I put you last.

I had to let it all go.  I don’t want or need it in my life.  I will let God love me, and never put Him last again.

He’s first.  He’s best.  He’s on my list… but He’s not last.

By Pam Q.  5/28/15

Letters to God #14 by Dana

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Dana C, Inmate Testimonies

Hi everyone.   It’s been a while!  Here is another “Letter to God” from Dana.  Dana has written several “letters to God” – you can see them here.  Blessings,  Jodi

My dearest God,

Strange to think where I’ve ended up and how I’m not at all too surprised, because even from the beginning I’ve always felt lost, like I never really belonged anywhere.  I unknowingly felt empty, hoping to absorb some sense of who and what I was, never really quite sure of my place, not only in my family but also here on earth.  I’ve never really known myself, just bits and pieces which made it easy to pretend.

Letters to God #13 by Dana – Dinner With The Devil

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Addiction, Conviction, Dana C, Inmate Testimonies, Jesus Christ, Testimony

Dana has written several “letters to God” – you can see them here.

Dear God,

Thank you for this day and every other day You have been gracious enough to give me.  Thank You for getting me through this difficult season of missing my family and children.  “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who comforts us in all our affliction.”  (2 Corinthians 3:4)

Lord, lately I’m confused as to who I am, who I’m supposed to be and who I want to be.  Am I the addicted criminal deemed a danger to society, or the lost daughter, sister, mother and friend from a day so long ago I can’t remember?  Am I inmate number xx-xxxxx facing a total of 43 years, turned Christian, who is trying to survive this cold place or am I a combination of all three; just looking for answers and trying to have faith that God will make sense of it all?  Lately I feel not only disconnected from You my God, but also from myself.

Letters to God #12 – The Light in the Dark by Dana

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Addiction, Dana C, Gratitude, Inmate Testimonies, Jesus Christ, Letters from inmates, Prayer, Restoration, Salvation, Testimony

Dana has written several “letters to God” – you can see them here.

Dear God,

I want to thank You for this day.  Another day alive, happy and full of the Holy Spirit.  I’m sorry that I haven’t written in a while, but I’ve felt like I haven’t been able to feel Your presence lately, and that has made me lonelier than I ever would have imagined, and also quietly sad inside.  Sometimes I sit down to write and the words come pouring out of me like some sort of ocean tidal wave washing over the shores.  But lately when I sit down to write, I stare at the blank page with all its plain void and it reminds me of my once spiritually depleted life.  So instead of touching the pen down to paper to try to release my written therapy for my once beaten and abused soul, I run and abandon the lonely lifeless sheet like I handled every other uncomfortable or bad situation in my past.  But I’m writing You now, my Lord, because I wanted to reconnect. 

Letters to God #11 – Collision Into A Beautiful Life by Dana

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Addiction, Consequences, Dana C, Grace, Gratitude, Inmate Testimonies, Jesus Christ, Letters from inmates, Testimony

Dana has written several “letters to God” – you can see them here.

Dear God,

Hello my Lord.  Thank You for this day.  Thank You for the life You’ve given me and thank You for the second chance I’ve been lucky enough to get.  For now my days are long with laughter, rather than short with burden, warm with friendship and faith rather than cold with pain and drug-induced despair.  Lord, thank You for letting me embrace each day with the glory of Your Word and for letting me grow in Your wondrous faith.  Praise God!

But my dearest Lord, lately I feel like I’m in a rut.  Like I’m stuck between who I used to be and who You desire me to be, which is whom I want to be. 

Letters to God #10 by Dana – “Forgiveness for 4 counts of attempted murder”

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Addiction, Consequences, Conviction, Dana C, Forgiveness, Grace, Inmate Testimonies, Jesus Christ, Letters from inmates, Repentance, Spiritual growth, Testimony

Dana has written several “letters to God” – you can see them here. 

Dear God,

Thank you for another beautiful day in such an ugly place.  How ironic that I had to come to the “concrete jungle” of chaos and noise to find joy and inner peace.  Because it’s true, O Lord, I’m happier than I’ve been in a long while in one of the most unhappy places on earth.  For I laugh more than I have in years.  I smile almost constantly, and I wake up without guilt or sadness from the turmoil of my once lethal life.  Don’t misunderstand me Lord Jesus.  I know why I’m here and I haven’t forgotten my journey or just how many miles I need to go on my road trip to eternal life.  I just mean that finding You, the peace of the Holy Spirit, and accepting You as my Lord and Savior has done wonders for my soul and has made it easier to enjoy the simple things, see the big things and know what’s important.  So even though I’m fully aware that I’m incarcerated facing 40+ years, housed with other women deemed dangers to society just like me, I can appreciate that I’m happily sober, relieved to be safe and alive and sometimes overwhelmed with the beauty of Your love and enduring forgiveness for sinners like me.  So as my pod-mate says, “Lord, you really do have a sense of humor, and You work in mysterious ways.”  Praise God!

Letters to God #9 by Dana – “Winner At Losing”

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Addiction, Consequences, Dana C, Grace, Gratitude, Honesty, Inmate Testimonies, Letters from inmates, Repentance, Salvation, Spiritual Warfare, Testimony

Dana has written several “letters to God” – you can see them here.

Dear God,

Lord, first and foremost I want to thank You for this day.  Lord, the last few days have been a little trialsome, but I’ve learned to appreciate the hardships regardless of how painful, due to the knowledge of Your wondrous Word that You continue to bless me with.  For I’ve learned that as long as I continue to have faith in You O Lord, that You will answer my prayers and never give me more than I can carry.  As it tells me in Matthew 24:13, “But the one who endures to the end, he shall be saved.”  So praise God that I continue to grow strong in faith and spirituality with each passing day.

Dirty Tables by Erika

Tags

Conviction, Erika, Forgiveness, Jesus Christ, Testimony

This was written by one of “my girls” who gave her life to Jesus Christ while she was in jail.  You can read her testimony here.  I love this story, because of her humble heart and willingness to be obedient in a situation where most of us would have probably ignored God’s prompting and had a long list of rationalizations.  I am so blessed to count this beautiful young woman as a friend.

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DIRTY TABLES

I was working as a hostess at a restaurant.  It was late, and we had three tired servers and one sleepy hostess, me.  We were just finishing up with the late night rush, and we were relieved that the flow of people was finally over.

Then a large group walked in. They pointed to a large, round booth that they wanted to sit at.  It was open and clean, so I had no reason to object.  I seated them and let them know their server would be with them shortly.

Erika’s Testimony – All Things Are New

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Addiction, Erika, Inmate Testimonies, Jail Ministry Musings, Jesus Christ, Restoration, Salvation, Testimony

My name is Erika.  I was born to a single mother in Texas.  Growing up, my childhood was very difficult for me.  Roughly from the age of two to eight years old my mom had a live in boyfriend that would regularly molest me.  I reached out to my mom, but she was unable to help.  He would physically beat her, and I think out of fear she felt powerless to do anything.

A New Year… A New Beginning by Christina M.

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Christina M., Jesus Christ, Letters from inmates, Salvation, Testimony, Thankfulness

“A New Year… A New Blessing”
By Christina M  01/2015

I woke up in this freezing cold prison cell, socks to my knees, and a rough wool blanket issued to me by the New Mexico Department of Corrections.  I can hear the sound of other female prisoners hollering crude obscenities to one another, cell doors being slammed shut, and a grumpy, round, pink skinned prison guard announcing that it’s time to “eat chow”.  There were no big, shiny balloons.  There weren’t any party whistles being blown.  I didn’t have a sparkling Happy new Year headband on my head.  There was no champagne.  No New Year’s kiss.  When I really think about all that glitz and glam… I can’t help but acknowledge how over rated all that show girl stuff truly is.  God knows I’ve had my fair share of wild festivities!