Dana has written several “letters to God” – you can see them here.
Lord, first and foremost I want to thank You for this day. Lord, the last few days have been a little trialsome, but I’ve learned to appreciate the hardships regardless of how painful, due to the knowledge of Your wondrous Word that You continue to bless me with. For I’ve learned that as long as I continue to have faith in You O Lord, that You will answer my prayers and never give me more than I can carry. As it tells me in Matthew 24:13, “But the one who endures to the end, he shall be saved.” So praise God that I continue to grow strong in faith and spirituality with each passing day.
Lord, one thing I do continue to struggle with that I can’t seem to find answers to are the demons of my addiction. For You know that I’ve attempted to get clean and stay clean off heroin twice before now, and twice before I fell back deeper into the shackles of my sin. As John 8;34 says, “Truly, truly I say to you, everyone who commits sin is the slave of sin.” And dear Lord, does that ever ring true to my struggle. Because twice I whole heartedly tried to remain free from my drug of choice and twice the dark spirit was able to pull me back into his slavery. I know Lord Jesus that as of right now, I am NOT strong enough to bear this cross alone. That if I’m tempted with the devious poison, I am unsure if I could walk away without indulgence. But I think in there lies the answers; that many times before I tried to go into battle alone against the dark spirit while still enslaved in his cold heavy chains, without seeking refuge and council from You, the Almighty. That too many times I’ve foolishly attempted to conquer my demons without the proper knowledge or power of the Holy scripture or the Holy Spirit.
I now realize Lord that I was a fool. That my ignorance and sinful ways could have very well cost me my life. That my addiction to heroin for the past 2.5 years was more than a battle of the flesh, but rather it was an all out war for my soul, my life, and my salvation. That until now, I’ve simply been acknowledging the physical demands and withdrawals of heroin, such as severe abdominal pain, vomiting, body tremors, fever, nightmares, and excruciating body aches, just to name a few. But now I’m also attacking the spiritual demons of my drug addictions, such as the negative thoughts that the dark spirit plants in my mind, the hopelessness he sets in my conscious, the feelings of guilt and shame he places on my heart, the ideas of worthlessness he whispers in my ear and the overall desperation he has in resuming control of my life. For James 1:5 tells me that “When lustful desires are conceived, it gives birth to sin and when sin is accomplished it brings forth death”. That’s exactly what I’ve been consciously or subconsciously trying to achieve. My own death. For we both know, my merciful Lord, the very cold, honest truth of my once uncontrollable addiction. We both know that my obscene consumption of that poisonous serum came with a promise of death. For I can honestly confess Lord that in my hazy, dope induced eyes, I could never get enough heroin. That no high was high enough and no amount could ever satisfy me. That I surely had a death wish and its time of execution was certain and close at hand. For the devil himself had placed an hourglass upon my life and the goal he set before me was to consume as much of his venom as possible before the beats of my heart were drained from a life I once embraced to a darkness and death I fell into with ease. And I achieved every bit of his evil goal with flying colors. In return my rewards were of sadness and pain, ribbons of shame and guilt, and trophies of loss and regret, with the grand prize of sudden, inevitable death. It also came with a bonus of a lifetime of walking with him in eternal damnation forever. For I was the biggest winner at losing it all.
Oh Lord, how I joyfully thank You for saving my life! Praise God! Lord Jesus, thank You for loving me enough to call me by name, and for fighting for my soul! I now see the error of my way and I realize the reason for my repeated failures. Lord, I was foolish to think I could do it alone. I was sadly mistaken to think I could do something of this magnitude without Your guidance or help. I now see that the battle of my addiction is only to be won with the love and strength I can only gain from You. Your word and my faith. That victory is only possible if I acknowledge and accept the truth, “For the truth shall make me free.” (John 3:32). I have learned with the great guidance of the Holy Spirit and the powerful knowledge of Your diving scripture that “with men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26). So I am growing in confidence that I can remain drug free from this point on, but ONLY with the help of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. That now I am anew, and I have shed the ugly robes of my enslaved past. As I continue to walk with the Lord I will grow stronger in both faith and courage. I will be able to win my battle the dark spirit attempts to declare as long as I remember that I am victorious only with the strength of my Savior, and without Him I am nothing.
In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
All my soul,