Hello my sweet, merciful Lord. Thank You for this day! Lord, it’s so amazing to me how even though I wake up in here, the “concrete jungle”, every day, I don’t feel all the burdens of a new day as I once did, but rather I can’t wait to embrace all the blessings this new day has to offer.
I no longer struggle with getting up to face yet another horrible dawn. Instead I wake up feeling happy and more free than I have in years! I wake up feeling excited about what today brings, even though the majority of my day consists of lock-downs, cinder blocks and shackles. But when I don’t concentrate on those gloomy things, it brings laughter, joy and the wonders of the Holy Spirit! Praise God!
My Lord, I finally received a letter today. My first letter since I’ve been here, and it happened to be from my Mother. Her letter was both heartfelt and warm, but at the same time, painful. Although all the news about my family made me smile, it made me sadly realize all the life going on out there without me. It made me take into account all the things I’m missing due to my mistakes. In the end, it gave me hope that after all is done I will have so much to catch up on and I will have my wonderful Mother there to love me. Knowing I have her forgiveness is such a relief to my heart and her words could not have come at a better time. So thank You Lord Jesus, for reaching out to her and letting me receive her loving thoughts. Glory be to God!
O Lord, my Mother also sent word that a childhood friend of mine has died from the very addiction I was so heavily consumed with. She said he loaded up and simply went to sleep just like I have done a thousand times before when I was enslaved to the dark spirit. While sleeping, his weak body got wedged between the wall and the bed and then he suffocated and died. This information really saddened me for more than the obvious. It saddened me because first off, he was too young to die at age 33. Second, why did he have to die so tragically, found by his very own Mother none the less. And third, because that death could have easily, very well had been my own. I have begun to realize that I was so very close to my own death. That daily I pushed the envelope of my mortality upon which I was almost certain to send myself straight into the lands of the dark spirit for all eternity. For there were so many nights I would get too high, pass out and wake up in compromising positions and locations just like my dear friend. God rest his soul. I also had many days I’d get loaded all alone and my lost, broken heart could have easily stopped beating and no one would have been there to save me. I merely could have quietly slipped away and died, which is just what the dark spirit was working towards. All of these thoughts and memories sadden me for I am truly sorry O Lord that I had such disregard for the life You have given me. I’m sorry that I was wasting all the time I had. That I was wasting all the gifts You had given me and basically was wasting away.
I wonder Lord why You chose to save my life? Why You chose to spare this life? But those answers are some of which I may never receive and instead need to live well and in Your teachings and rather as “why not me”? That statement gives me hope O Lord and fills me with an indescribable praise for You and Your mysterious ways! Glory be to God in the highest! Thank You Jesus for opening my eyes and my heart and filling me with the wonders of the Holy Spirit.
Thank You Lord for this day and every day for I am truly blessed. For today I realize I am Your miracle! Thank You Lord Jesus for I know with You all things are possible. For this is the day the Lord has made for I will rejoice and be glad in it!
In Jesus name, Amen.
All my soul,
This is Dana’s fifth “Letter to God”. What a privilege to read these intimate letters to God. I am blessed that she is willing to share these with me, and allow them to be on the blog. Here is her first letter, second letter, third letter and fourth letter.