This is a testimony from a young woman who came to know Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior while in jail. She tells the story of the spiral into addiction so well, and this is the story of so many of the women in jail. Only Jesus Christ can redeem and restore a life lost in sin.
I remember the beginning of my drug use as if it were yesterday, even though it was a little over 10 years ago. I remember the people and the places. And I remember the children. It’s so very heartbreaking to look back and remember the children. The innocent victims of the bad choices of others.
In the beginning, I would get high and not notice anything else around me. I was only focused on what I was doing. But it didn’t take long for me to notice there were children in the house where I was using drugs. It was a saddening reality, but it became normal to me. Within the next few months, I started to notice that not only were they in the homes, but they were getting high because of the second hand smoke they were taking in. They were unwilling participants in the drug use of me and others.
Two years later, I had a child of my own. My daughter. I was able to stop using during my pregnancy, and I decided I would never use around her. I never wanted my child to experience what I saw those other children go through. I didn’t want to do that to her. Unfortunately, that commitment didn’t last long. I began to use in our home, but only when my daughter was asleep. At least that is how is started. My addiction was much stronger than my desire to love and protect my child, and the destructive behaviors became “normal”.
In my addiction, I had another child. One thing I had never planned on was seeing my children high, and I was the one using drugs in the home that made them high. It breaks my heart to write this, because I can remember my one year old son crying all night to be picked up because he couldn’t sleep. I didn’t want to pick him up, because I didn’t want to believe he was unable to sleep because of me, because I was using drugs in the house.
I am their Mom. I am the one who should love and protect them. Sadly, knowing what I was doing and seeing my children affected by this, I did nothing to change my behavior. Addiction blinds us to the truth around us. I continued to use with them in the house. That is, until they were taken from me by a very loving family member.
Now, I am so grateful for that. But at the time, I couldn’t come to terms emotionally with why they would take them from me. I told another addict, and his response was to just shrug his shoulders, as if to say “What did I expect?”. Most addicts don’t have their kids. That is normal, and that is the natural progression of the consequences of an addicted lifestyle. Sin creeps in slowly, and destroys everything in its path.
Early on, I couldn’t believe children were in the house when people were using drugs. Then I began to realize the children were unwillingly becoming high. Then I saw other people without their children. Then I was the one with children in my house. I was the one with children that were high from my drug use. And then I lost my children.
I never saw the consequences of my addiction until it had destroyed not only my life, and the lives of so many others. Sin spreads like cancer, and follows a progression to steal, to kill, and to destroy.
I am forever thankful to our Lord and Savior because He stopped the progression of this addiction in my life. I can’t imagine where I would be without Him. He has allowed me to have both of my children back. He has given me the grace to stay sober, and the eyes to see the consequences of my sin that consumed my life. He is forever our Protector and our Healer.
Please pray for the children that have been forgotten because of parents that are consumed by the addiction of drugs and alcohol, and pray that they hear and receive the gospel of Jesus Christ.